One of the revelations that God has given through being a parent, is about the roles that we, as Brothers and Sisters, have in this life. It happened when my children were about 9-11. They were both in the bossy phase of development and were constantly trying to “parent” one another. All of the sudden God spoke to my heart and said “This is what my Church looks like!” You see, it never goes well when brothers and sisters step out of their roles as siblings. It can cause all kinds of problems in the family. It’s actually a reflection of that child’s immaturity, lack of understanding and often their OWN selfishness.
The motives of their hearts are rarely for the benefit of their sibling at that age. It’s often used to make themselves feel superior or to make their sibling look bad. There are many reasons why but the bottom line is that it shows the motives of their own heart and it’s just not their job.
They often get very confused by this as well. They know what my expectations are and when they see their sibling violating those expectations, they feel justified in their own actions because many times they do love their sibling, deep down, or they may love me so much that they don’t want their sibling to hurt me or the family by their actions.
Their motives may be completely pure, in that instance, but it’s still not their job to be the parent. This dynamic is what many in Churches act like these days. In a healthy family, if there is a true problem with their sibling that they’re worried about, their only job is come to ME, as the parent, to let me know their concerns, and then trust that I, as the parent who loves them both, will do what’s best for them and handle the situation. Now, that doesn’t mean that we can’t have siblings who are more mature than us, who we admire and look up to for guidance, but when that happens, we will go to them to ask them for their help.
They’ve earned the right to speak into our lives and we know that we can trust our hearts with them. They love us and want what’s best for us, so we know that we’re safe with them. The key here though is that we ask for help, it’s not forced on us. I have gotten to a place that, when someone asks me for my advice or help with a problem in their life, I ask them first if they really want me to do that. Have I earned the right and the respect through how I live my own life, to speak into theirs?
I often tell them that I can just be their friend and love them right where they are, no judgement, or I can tell them the truth of what I believe but it might be painful. I’ve had people chose both paths at times, and we often laugh about it. When I put it to them that way it really makes them ask “Do I really want to do this?” Either answer is great with me. Our Father is fully capable of getting the job done in their lives without my unwanted interference! There is NOTHING in this life that surprises Him. He knows the end from the beginning, and if it’s my job to be His hands, here in someone else’s life, then they will want that help. That’s what true faith is and what The Gospel was all about! Through Christ we are a child of The Father. We have access to The King! We are to Love Him First and then Love Others Second! When we authentically do those TWO things then all doctrine will fall in line.
Always remember what your role is with your siblings. Work on your own maturity and then when a brother or sister has a problem, maybe they will look at the fruit of your life and come to you to ask you for your help. Until then, if you see a sibling struggling, take those worries and concerns to The Father and ask Him to intervene on their behalf. Our Father loves them even more than you do!
Comments