I know that this subject is one of the most complex and divisive topics in the Church, and in the world today but I want to share my views on this subject, because there are people that I love and adore on both sides. It’s not my intention to cause controversy but this subject, by its very nature does.
I understand the arguments on both sides and in the end I had to come to a place of loving all of the people involved. I’m certain that many will disagree with my understanding but I pray that you can respect it.
It has taken decades of personal experiences and deep studies of both the theology and the science, for me to come to a peaceful understanding of God’s love for all, and our duty to love all of those that He loves.
It’s a good thing to seek to understand God’s creation. To investigate the science behind the questions is not bad. To study the Bible and theology is important.
There comes a point though, that we need to realize that there are questions that are beyond our understanding, and humble ourselves before our Heavenly Father, realizing that that’s okay.
When all else fails and even the most knowledgeable people in the world don’t fully understand, our only choice is to chose love, or not: to chose faith that He understands and then love Him enough to love all of His creation, or not.
Those can be questions regarding things like climate change and taking care of our planet, or human diseases that cause suffering, and the questions of faith in the midst of them. So many topics that man cannot fully comprehend.
Some people have stronger opinions on these topics than others, or have dedicated much of their lives to studying them, believing they understand more, but knowledge is not the same as wisdom, and some issues are not fully knowable to our minds, because we can’t know all of the facts that our Father knows.
Pride and arrogance fuel too many doctrinal discussions instead of humility before our all knowing Father. The ability to say “I may be wrong in my interpretations, but I’m trying to understand and do Your will,” or “This is beyond my understanding, so I chose to love, and have faith that You love more than I do”, is vital.
One of the biggest examples of this is regarding human sexuality.
I want to share with you “my gay journey.” I try to stay away from using that phrase because for some people in that community it can feel like I’m minimizing their terrible experiences but for me, mine too was a painful journey in my own life and understanding, so I’m using it here.
I used to be a very conservative thinker and had a very hard time with the LGBTQ+ question. I’m so heterosexual that I just couldn’t understand it and therefore I had to believe that it was sinful. Plus I had been indoctrinated into the traditional conservative Christian mindset that interpreted doctrine to tell me that it was sin.
I know that may be hard for many to believe, because of the support and affirmation that I give now to my friends in that community, but the reality is that I hurt a lot of people, in the name of Jesus, before God changed my understanding and heart. It was actually the most difficult issue for me to not judge at one time.
As a woman, I love men. In my mind, if that was truth for me, then if someone was different than that, there was something very wrong with them. Truth is truth, right? So, my truth must have applied to everyone else, right?
My journey started when my son was born and was in the NICU. A family member flew into town to support me and one night, when we were a few glasses of wine into our conversation, they asked me “What would you say if I told you that I was gay?”
I had suspected this and had judged them in my heart already but at that point I just said ”I have a 1lb 12oz child in the hospital and I need you. I don’t care. It’s just not important to me anymore.” I had never been one to back down from theological discussions, especially when I “knew” that I was right, and had all of my “proof” memorized and fully convinced of. It just truly wasn’t important to me anymore.
It was VERY important to them though and I’m certain that my dismissal of the topic was very painful. I hadn’t grown enough to understand that yet and I was in the middle of the most difficult time of my life, up to that point, but that was the start of my heart softening. A few years later I was a volunteer in a hospital, and I was pregnant with my second son, when a baby came into the NICU who had been abandoned by it’s parents because it was intersex, born with both sex organs.
To make it more tragic, a wealthy couple had hired a surrogate to carry the baby, but when it was born with this condition, they abandoned it. It wasn’t “perfect” in their minds, the way God created it, so it wasn’t worthy of their love and care. Because I was in seminary, this sweet baby made me dig really deep into human sexuality. That our Heavenly Father created this enormous spectrum of diversity, that was beyond any person’s understanding.
I learned about DNA differences and hormone washes in utero, etc. So many variations that even the best scientists in the world couldn’t truly understand.
I learned about a tribe of people in the Dominican Republic where many babies are born female but when they get to puberty they change into male. That tribe just naturally raises their children neutral and then, after puberty they assign the gender that they become, and begin treating them as male or female.
The males are fully functional males who can reproduce, they just don’t produce the hormones to change them into male until they reach puberty, instead of in utero. Scientists have recently discovered why it happens but it’s just one example of a difference in sexuality that most people have never been told about.
It’s all so very complex and yet also part of His creation. It’s also something that most Christians have never heard of. When I share this reality with them it’s startling. It often breaks down their walls of judgement and allows them to realize just how much they don’t know.
As I learned all of this, I was so confused by Church doctrine because I was convinced of my theology. I wasn’t ready to share my questions with the other ministers around me because I thought I knew what their arguments would consist of. I’d been in my church long enough, even as a minister, to know the answers of those who were like me.
In life, we often surround ourselves with others who see the world like we do, and therefore they just confirm our own believed understanding. I needed to see what the “other side” said about these issues. I needed to listen to both sides and then ask my Heavenly Father to give me wisdom in how to love those who were different than I was. I studied the often used scriptures and prayed constantly for a revelation about this topic, that was so divisive and painful for so many people, on both sides. I found a website that helped Christians understand a different view of scripture and found the arguments from a different perspective. This man, a gay minister, had created the website to show Christians the evidence in the Bible to support God’s diversity, in his opinion, and to rebuke the use of certain scriptures that man has used to condemn gay Christians.
I spoke with him many times and he was extremely patient and loving towards me. He didn’t have to be because I was a bit argumentative. I “knew what I knew”! He and his website have done great things to help the wounded Christians, who are gay but absolutely love Jesus and our Father, and want to please Him. It has also helped other Christians like myself, that wanted to learn the other side of this theological argument.
We are talking about a subject that was causing people to kill themselves at a tremendous rate because of judgement, and I needed a place that could show me how the “other side” believed.
It was too important, for too many people, for me to bury my head in my doctrine, and just believe what men had interpreted scriptures to say anymore. I had to seek both sides of the debate and then pray for my Heavenly Father’s wisdom in knowing how to behave towards a large segment of the “others” that Jesus commanded me to love. How should I love them His way?
I don’t know if I agree with everything in his interpretations but the point is, I don’t know. I can have opinions, but I don’t know… I thought I knew. I was completely convinced that I knew! I’m stubborn like that.
During this time in my life, I also had several friends that were Christians, one was even a lead pastor in a large church, who were confronting these issues with their own children. Young children who were gay and even transgender.
They were sorting out how to be both a Christ Follower and the best parents that they could be for their children. They were facing heart wrenching decisions that I could never dream of having to face. In hindsight, I am amazed at their parenting because those children are now healthy, mentally stable and thriving young adults, but that was also part of my journey.
I realized that I could NEVER judge someone for the decisions that they have made because I had NEVER been in a situation where I had to make those choices myself. I have come to truly hate judgement of others because it is so harmful. I can only turn the finger of judgement upon myself and pray that He does a work in my own character.
When I started to question what I thought I knew, I also questioned if I was being deceived. I’ve always prayed that God would protect me from deception because the scripture that says “even the very elect will be deceived” has been a neon sign, flashing in my mind, reminding me to stay close to my Heavenly Father and to humble myself to His corrections. I struggled more with this doctrine than just about anything I’ve ever sought God about. It’s definitely a Top 5!
I finally came to my own understanding, love and affirmation for this community that had been so wounded by the people that had been commanded to love them, including myself!
It took me years to “come out of the closet” though, in support. I had “friends” that I had been in ministry with who shut me out, and deemed me as deceived. I pray that I’m not deceived and admit that I very well might be but I don’t know many of them who pray the same about themselves. I do have peace with my own understanding now though.
Then I had a big reason to “come out”, and share my opinions. A young friend of my daughter’s “came out” in middle school. I loved this boy and had known he was likely gay, long before he decided to share. As a matter of fact, my husband even asked me “Did you know he was gay?” and my response was “Did you NOT know he was gay?”
A lot of parents were confused and, quite frankly, scared. They also cared for this young man but they were scared about how it would affect their own children. They didn’t want to have to talk honestly with their children about this issue, because most of them had never had to really confront that subject, personally, in their own lives.
In hindsight, they had nothing to fear. Their children had greater wisdom in love than many of the adults. It became a “non issue” almost immediately and their minds moved on to other things. A true example of ”Come unto Me as little children.”
This young man was an active member of his church and youth group throughout his youth, even passionately inviting my daughter and other friends to their “lock ins”, etc and that was the end of the debate for the kids. They didn’t cause division, but some of their parents did. Many came to me, because they knew I was a minister, and asked me what I thought. That was when I began to share with other Christians my beliefs. I never judged them for their beliefs, and I completely understood their arguments because that’s how I had felt, but I had a different understanding now. His coming out was not about sex, at all. It was about his identity. He wasn’t a troubled child with psychological problems or confusion, like so many people use to “explain away the gay”. He had loving parents and was always quite confident in his worth and value to God.
He actually, to this day, loves Jesus with his whole heart! I’m so proud of the man that he has become and for the heart that he has for Jesus and for others! He still struggles, like all young adults do in finding himself, regarding career paths and relationships, but his love for Jesus never wavered. The issue of another person’s sexuality is far above anyone’s human understanding. It’s too complex to judge and in that situation, I choose Love. Again, there are doctrinal debates that are not “knowable”, at least not to me anymore. I refuse to argue anymore though. I am at complete peace with my own personal understanding of what my Heavenly Father has taught ME. I’ve done the work. Boy did I do the work…. Years of the work because I am sooo stubborn like that! I am so thankful though, for my Heavenly Father’s patience with me!
Do I regret what I used to believe? I regret that I hurt people but I don’t have regrets for anything other than that.
I’m actually thankful for what I used to believe because it allows me a better opportunity to understand the conservative position, and explain my own journey to those who still believe those arguments. I can compassionately affirm the LGBTQ+ community, while still understanding the mindset of those who oppose them.
In that way, I think it helps me love everyone involved, while standing firm to my convictions and do the will of God in MY life, which is to love all Others.
These doctrines are not the “The Essential Doctrines” of salvation through Jesus Christ. They are not teachings that men should use to condemn our Brothers and Sisters, or anyone. We don’t have to convince anyone of our opinions on these matters but we do have to love. When Brothers and Sisters start trying to parent one another it can destroy the family dynamics, because it’s not their job. Their role is to take their questions and concerns to their parent (The Father God) and then learn their own lessons while loving their siblings. That is when, sometimes, they mature themselves because they’re willing to trust that their parent knows the whole picture and what’s best for both of their children. This is what mature faith looks like. These things are between the hearts of them and our Father, not them, ME, and our Father. I personally do not believe that a person’s sexual identity or romantic interests are sins, although many do sin, but men and women sin in their heterosexual relationships every day. It’s not the sin of who they’re with, it’s the sins of how they treat who they’re with!
It is not my job to be the judge in their lives or their “parent”. It is my job to celebrate God’s creation and the plans for each person that He has called me to love.
I know gay Christians that love Jesus with their whole hearts. They show their love for their Father and for others in the most authentic ways. Many, more so than a lot of heterosexual religious people that I know.
I have come to believe that our Father did not create these differences in order for man to judge them, but that He created them in order for Him to judge the hearts of those who judge them.
Remember the log in your own eye? That’s what we should be working on and that’s what He judges. Leave ALL others in our Father’s hands and love them. I will not be accused of causing pain to the Brothers and Sisters, in my Family, that He has called me to love. I will also show His love to those in the world, because that’s the only way that we can be a “light unto the world”. Loving them, authentically, might just be the only Jesus they’ll ever see.
We will all be called to account for how we’ve live the two most important commands from Jesus Himself. Love our Father in Heaven, and Love Others.
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